Home Babes About


Why The Broncos Suck

Why Your Team Sucks 2017: Denver Broncos

Your 2016 record: 9-7. Ah see, now that’s the kind of Late Shanny-Era Broncos record I’m accustomed to. Nice hot 4-0 start, and then they turn jussssst shitty enough to miss the playoffs. Feels like everything is back in its proper order.

Gary Kubiak retired suddenly after last season due to health concerns. This is the same man that kept coaching after stroking out on the sideline, so he must have swallowed a grenade or something. Now, the seemingly obvious thing to do after Kubiak’s retirement would be to promote from within and maintain continuity for a team merely two years removed from a Super Bowl title. That’s…not what John Elway did.

Your quarterback: I guess it’s still Trevor Siemian, because Paxton Lynch is just Christian Hackenberg on a better team. No team got boned harder by Tony Romo’s retirement than the 2017 Broncos. I can’t believe a 37-year-old man with a decaying spine would turn down the chance to play on top of a mountain for a shady, unproven head coach. The mind reels, I tell you.

There are few things I hate more than seeing a stud defense forced to drag a limpdick offense through a full season, but that’s what’s about to happen all over again here. This will be one of the least watchable teams in football. The defense will be openly feuding with the offense and extra pissy by Week 2. It’s scary to think that the Broncos are out here relying on a nobody like Trevor Siemian to stay healthy so that they don’t have to trot out Lynch and have him be fully exposed for the flop that he is. Somewhere in Durango, there’s a dude rocking a Tebow jersey and keeping his fingers crossed.


oh man, brutal… but fun as hell to read, and i’m a broncos fan! haha

probably wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t true.


PS. of course, there’s always the redskins…

Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.